


it's not living (if it's not with you)

by cooperstown



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: F/M, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route Spoilers, Light Angst, Longing, Pining, Post-Time Skip, Pre-Relationship, Set after Chapter 18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-15 01:41:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20858120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cooperstown/pseuds/cooperstown
Summary: Now that Fhirdiad has been reclaimed, Dimitri starts thinking about the future and where Byleth fits into it.





	it's not living (if it's not with you)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you [Arden](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tome/profile) for beta reading for me! I'm really so fortunate to have someone like them who helps make not only my work better, but also helps me grow as a writer. If you're at all into the _Dragon Age_ series or _Persona 3_ (or just appreciate quality writing in general), I definitely recommend their work!
> 
> Like I mentioned in the tags, this is set after the events of Chapter 18 and assumes you've played through to the end of the Blue Lions route, as there are spoilers. Among these spoilers are: references to Dimitri and Sylvain's B support, references to Dimitri and Byleth's A support, the final cutscene in Blue Lions, and in-game dialogue from Dimitri and Byleth's S support. If any of that is content you haven't seen and/or don't want to be spoiled on, now's the time to turn back.
> 
> Anyway, this is brought to you by me missing Dimitri after playing through Golden Deer.

A glint of platinum in the corner of Dimitri’s eye fleetingly catches his attention, but that’s hardly anything for him to make a detour over. Besides, he and the rest of his comrades are only passing through Fhirdiad’s marketplace because it’s the most straightforward path out of the city and back to the monastery —not so he could window shop.

Dimitri’s forced to stop though when Sylvain drags him over in the direction of the glint of platinum, Sylvain’s attention apparently caught by the same sight as well.

“A goldsmith?” Dimitri asks. He quickly smiles in acknowledgement at the person in question before returning his focus to Sylvain. “Surely we’re not here for you to buy jewelry to gift to your future lovers.”

Sylvain sighs in an exaggeratedly forlorn manner. “For once, we’re not here for me, Your Highness,” he answers, clapping his hand on Dimitri’s shoulder afterwards. “We’re here for you.”

“For me?”

“Yeah, one of these rings must be nice enough for the professor, right?”

Dimitri feels his entire face grow hot, stammering out, “A ring? For the professor? As in an engagement ring?”

“That’s usually why someone would buy someone else a ring,” Sylvain says, an amused expression on his face. “Unless you were planning on giving the professor a dagger when you propose?”

“Never mind the fact that you’re _still_ bringing that up, what makes you think I intend to propose to the professor?”

Sylvain crosses his arms. “The better question is — what _doesn’t_ make me think you intend to propose to the professor,” he replies, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “In hindsight, instead of just any girl on your arm, I should’ve pushed harder for you to make a move on the professor back at the academy.”

Dimitri doesn’t think his face has ever felt this hot. Had he really been that transparent about his feelings for the professor?

“Sylvain, we’ve only just taken back Fhirdiad,” Dimitri says, trying to maintain some semblance of composure. “This is hardly the time to be thinking about marriage. I can’t even say with certainty that I’ll survive until the end of the war.”

“What better way to motivate yourself to survive than the idea of marrying the professor at the end of all this then, right?”

“That’s all well and good, but I don’t even know if the professor feels anything for me beyond friendship.”

Sylvain raises his arms in surrender. “Fine, fine. I know a lost cause when I see one. With you out of the picture, perhaps I’ll take the opportunity to propose to Byleth myself.”

“Byleth?” Dimitri repeats. The syllables of the professor’s name are foreign on his tongue…but not unpleasant. He says it in his head a few more times, and decides he wouldn’t mind getting used to the sound.

“Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten our own professor’s name?”

“Of course not. I was merely surprised that you addressed her as such,” Dimitri says, unaccustomed to anyone — let alone Sylvain, of all people — referring to the professor that way. Although she’s no longer their teacher, calling her by her given name feels more intimate than he deserves.

Sylvain waves Dimitri’s words away. “Slip of the tongue,” he answers dismissively. “Normally only happens when it’s just the two of us.”

Immediately, Dimitri wondered what these occasions where Sylvain was alone with the professor were. Drills at the training grounds? Tea time in her quarters... _Her quarters._

Before his imagination can run rampant and Dimitri can properly panic though, Sylvain continues speaking.

“In any case, even if _you_ don’t want to spend your future with Byleth, I know I certainly would. I mean, she sees me for who I really am. Where other women would automatically smile at me for my Crest, she’s never treated me any differently from anyone else,” Sylvain says, his tone not revealing any sign of him joking around. “Without meeting her and seeing how she’s been able to live unaffected by her Crest, I wouldn’t have known that there was another way for me to live…and maybe I could live that life with her. Assuming no one else beats me to proposing, Byleth Gautier has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”

“No one else?” Dimitri asks, ignoring the way Sylvain’s heartfelt words about the professor and the idea of her taking _Sylvain’s_ last name makes him feel a pang in his chest.

“I’m sure I’m not the only one who would want a future with the professor,” Sylvain says, bringing his arms up to rest his hands on the back of his head. “Even after five years, she’s still as popular as she was back at the academy. Just because _you_ aren’t interested doesn’t mean no one else is.” He lowers his arms, and then tilts his head back to the main road. “We should probably get going if you’re not going to buy anything though. I need to pick up a new handkerchief too.”

Sylvain walks off without looking back to make sure Dimitri’s following him; and Dimitri hesitates to do so, his feet rooted in place by a curiosity about the goldsmith’s selection of wares. He decides that there’s no harm in browsing, reasoning that he might as well since he’s already made the detour to their stall.

Dimitri’s eyes easily land on a platinum ring, likely the same one that had initially caught his attention. What’s most striking to him though, now that he’s seeing it in its entirety, are the green jewels that it’s embedded with. They’re the exact same color as the professor’s eyes.

As Dimitri picks up the ring for a closer look, the goldsmith says, “That ring’s one of a kind. It features an octagonal step cut emerald that’s prong set in a platinum band. You’ll see too that there’s unique metalwork surrounding the gemstone, and a chevron patterning engraved around the band.”

“I’ll take it.”

The words leave Dimitri’s mouth before he even registers them in his mind; and when the goldsmith informs him of the cost, he hands over the appropriate amount of gold without even thinking twice. If he were to propose to the professor with any ring, it has to be this one.

“Thank you for your patronage, Your Highness!”

In what feels like the blink of an eye, Dimitri’s now the owner of a brand new engagement ring, yet he finds he doesn’t regret his purchase. In his heart, he knows that this is why he lingered around the stall, knows that buying this ring for the professor is what he wanted.

His impromptu business in town sorted, Dimitri finds Sylvain at a nearby stall, who seems to be flirting with the merchant rather than buying a new handkerchief like he’d said he would. From the smug expression on Sylvain’s face when he cuts in, telling Sylvain that they need to get going, Dimitri realizes that he’d played right into Sylvain’s hands.

For all his talk about proposing to the professor himself, Sylvain didn’t say anything about buying a ring.

* * *

The ring burns a hole in Dimitri’s pocket.

Always having it with him is worrisome, especially in battle, but Dimitri wants to be prepared just in case the perfect moment to propose arises. Considering that a perfect moment _had_ arisen recently and he hadn’t had the ring on him, he’s determined not to let such an opportunity slip through his fingers again. Even now, days later, he’s still kicking himself thinking about it.

In Dimitri’s own defense, the situation itself wasn’t remotely romantic. He’d had another restless night and, instead of lying in bed aimlessly, decided to get in some extra training. As he was finishing, he ended up crossing paths with the professor, but he wasn’t particularly surprised to see her still awake — she’d always been a night owl, yet somehow also managed to be an early riser.

Though the weather was gloomy, Dimitri didn’t feel a pressing need to immediately return to his quarters, and the professor didn’t seem to either, since she’d stopped him to talk. However, his body disagreed, and he felt the sting of wounds that should’ve healed long ago. He told her as much, leading them to discuss that girl who’d stabbed him after the battle of Gronder as well as the orphans they’d taught swordsmanship to once upon a time — hardly the kind of talk that should preface a marriage proposal.

That is, until the professor had told Dimitri that she would confront the anguish of fighting and the true nature of war with him. He’d thanked her, of course, but also decided to tell her how comforting having someone standing by his side was.

If he’d had the ring on him, Dimitri could’ve asked her to stand by his side forever.

Still, short of turning back the hands of time, all Dimitri can do now is bide his time until another opportunity presents itself. In the meanwhile, he uses this waiting period to try and get a read on the professor’s thoughts about marriage.

For all the time that they spend together though, Dimitri finds that there’s been no occasion where he can smoothly bring up the subject. With the war still going on, their conversations unsurprisingly revolve around it; and more often than not, when he speaks with the professor, they talk about scout reports, the next march, army training, battle formations, inventory of the army’s supplies…and so on.

Dimitri considers himself a relatively patient man, but he must confess he’s rather close to just blurting out one of these days, “What do you think about marriage?”

Fortunately, before Dimitri can make a fool of himself, they both have a free afternoon where the professor invites him to join her for tea in her quarters. The smell of chamomile fills the air as she prepares a pot of tea for the two of them, and he takes in a deep breath, inhaling the calming scent.

As the professor pours him a cup of tea, Dimitri says, “Thank you for the tea, Professor. I appreciate you always having my favorite on hand. I imagine it can’t be easy to come by during these times of war.”

“It’s been easier now that more merchants are returning and doing business again,” the professor replies as she takes a seat across from him, pouring herself her own cup of tea.

The professor takes a sip from it, closing her eyes in bliss. When she opens her eyes again, she smiles at him while she sets her cup down, and Dimitri feels his heart beat a little faster at the sight.

“Chamomile is one of my favorite blends as well, so I’m happy to do whatever’s necessary to get my hands on some and share it with you,” the professor continues, making his heart beat even faster. “In any case, goods like tea leaves should be easier to come by in the near future, with the end of the war imminent.”

Dimitri immediately grasps onto the familiar topic, trying to calm his racing heart. “Yes,” he agrees with a nod. “With Fort Merceus taken, all that’s left is to march on Enbarr and take the imperial palace.”

“You almost can’t help but be excited by how close we are. I know Gilbert has been saying lately that he intends to go back to his family at the end of this.”

“I’m sure Annette is happy about that; and his wife too if she’s heard word about his intentions already.”

The professor takes another sip of her tea. “She must really love him to have waited for him for all these years,” she says thoughtfully, as she sets her cup back down.

“Is that kind of devotion what you hope for in a marriage, Professor?” Dimitri asks, his heartbeat speeding up again. He hopes that he’s not being too transparent.

“I can’t say that I’ve thought much about marriage; I probably won’t until the war is over. What about you, Dimitri?”

“…I think the same,” Dimitri replies, perhaps a beat too late. His words technically aren’t a lie. Until Sylvain had brought it up recently, he really hadn’t thought much about marriage.

Neither of them say anything after that, both opting instead to take a sip of their tea in a silence that Dimitri would call more awkward than comfortable. The only sound in the air is the sound of their cups clinking against the saucers as they both set them back down. He’s convinced he’d been too obvious with his motivations behind asking the professor such a question and racks his brain for a way to bow out with whatever dignity he has left — if there even is a way.

Before he has the chance though, the professor asks, “Will you even have the time to think of marriage when you’re back in Fhirdiad?”

From the light tone of her voice and the upward curve of her lips, Dimitri realizes that she’s teasing him; and he’s reminded of how easy being around the professor is. Why had he fretted so when she’s always been such a warm and comforting presence? He returns her smile, feeling like he can breathe easy again.

* * *

With the war finally over, Dimitri had thought that perhaps he would be able to sleep easy tonight, but he finds himself having yet another restless evening.

Unlike every other night, this time, Dimitri finds that he can’t sleep because of his hopes for the future — that he even _has_ a future to begin with. That in itself is enough to fill him with a sense of thrill and trepidation. Even when he was back at the academy, he hadn’t imagined he’d live this long; he’d always imagined that he’d live long enough to successfully avenge his loved ones or die trying.

Revenge hadn’t been Dimitri’s goal when he actually defeated Edelgard, but up until only recently, it had been. Either way, with her defeated, where does that leave him now? How does he move forward? What does he live for?

Is it even okay for him to be looking forward to his future when his loved ones had been robbed of theirs?

Though tonight’s thoughts are more pleasant company than the usual voices in his head, just lying in bed is doing nothing to help him sleep, and so, Dimitri leaves his quarters. Perhaps he would get in some extra training. The war may be over, but there’s no harm in working to keep his skill with a lance sharp.

Dimitri means to walk to the training grounds, but his feet end up carrying him to the Goddess Tower instead. He’s not alone when he arrives, as the professor— no, _Byleth_, is already there, looking deep in thought.

Dimitri hadn’t expected to see Byleth at the Goddess Tower, but at the same time, their meeting reminds him of when they’d come to this very place during the ball five years ago. Before he’d invited her to join him here, she’d been alone in the courtyard — looking just as deeply in thought — hadn’t she?

Byleth doesn’t say anything about his arrival, but Dimitri knows she’s aware of his presence. Even if he had been attempting to be stealthy, he’d be hard pressed to successfully sneak up on a former mercenary, especially one as skilled as her. Something must’ve been weighing heavily on her mind.

Dimitri tries to lighten the atmosphere, “Come now, my friend. You must stop staying up so late. Tomorrow is yet another early morning.

“Then again, I know that matters little. You cannot sleep, can you? Neither can I, of course.”

Dimitri realizes then, that perhaps _he_ is the cause for Byleth’s sleeplessness. Hadn’t he been counting on her for a lot lately? Even though she has her own burden to shoulder? How thoughtless of him.

“I…” Dimitri starts, before the rest of his sentence dies in his mouth. He feels sheepish about unintentionally doing wrong by Byleth, but he knows that his next words need to be said. “I want you to know I am sorry for making you do so much when your battle wounds aren't even completely healed yet.”

Dimitri’s not surprised when Byleth deflects his words, asking him of his own wounds instead — always more concerned with others than she is with herself, always so selfless. It’s part of why he loves her.

Dimitri tells Byleth not to worry about him though. If he can keep from adding to her worries, he’s glad to do so.

“My shoulder has healed nicely,” Dimitri adds, to further keep Byleth from fretting over him. Knowing Edelgard, he considers himself lucky that she’d aimed the dagger there and not somewhere more fatal. He’d certainly expected her to. “I still have some numbness in my hand, but it should not hinder me too much.”

They’re both quiet after that, and Dimitri realizes that this isn’t the path he’d hoped for their conversation to take when he’d approached Byleth tonight. He racks his brain, trying to think of a new subject, _any_ subject.

“…It is a lovely night...Is it not?” Dimitri eventually asks, thankful that he can’t feel a blush creeping up his face.

Even to his own ears, the subject change sounded flimsy. Still, there was truth in his words. By his standards — alongside the fact that he has Byleth’s company — tonight is a lovely night simply because he’s not tossing and turning because of a nightmare. Dimitri finds himself musing so aloud.

“How many years has it been since I was kept awake by hopes for the future, rather than by nightmares of the past…”

“Nightmares?”

Byleth gestures for him to go on, and so Dimitri does — telling her all about the nightmare and the voices that have haunted him for the past nine years. He notes though that he won’t let them keep him chained to the past anymore, that he won’t let them stop him from focusing on the future.

When Dimitri’s finished speaking, he realizes that yet again, this direction isn’t where he’d intended to steer their conversation to. Hadn’t he interrupted Byleth to distract her from whatever is on her mind? Even when he didn’t intend to, she had a way of getting him to bare his innermost thoughts.

“Well, Your Grace,” Dimitri says with a smile, changing the subject once more, “things will be busy from now on. Our first order of business is tomorrow's coronation.”

He momentarily averts his gaze, reflecting on the situation. As a student of the Officer’s Academy, Dimitri wouldn’t have guessed that he’d actually live to become the king of Faerghus, much less the king of a united Fódlan. He certainly wouldn’t have guessed that his professor — plucked from a band of mercenaries — would end up becoming the next archbishop either.

“Once a professor and student… Now an archbishop and a king. How very far we have come.”

Dimitri meets Byleth’s gaze in time to see her shaking her head. “Only our titles have changed,” she says, smiling.

“That is true,” Dimitri agrees, returning her smile. “To me, you will always be the one who guided me so kindly. My ally through all. My beloved…”

He trails off for a moment, cupping his chin in thought as he decides how to fill in the blank. His beloved friend? His beloved partner?

While cycling through his vocabulary though, trying to find just the right word, he realizes that his statement is fine as is. He loves her, after all.

“Yes…my beloved.”

“Dimitri…”

Byleth’s smile fades, but Dimitri doesn’t let that deter him from barreling on. This is the opportunity he’d been waiting for, isn’t it? Another perfect moment? He’d already admitted to loving her — now all he has to do is propose.

After Dimitri asks for her hand and then offers her the ring, Byleth only widens her eyes in response. Although her reaction makes his heart clench painfully, he forces himself to stay calm. His hands twitch at his side, but he refrains from reaching up and clutching his chest.

Again, Dimitri’s reminded of their time at the Goddess Tower five years ago — of Byleth’s silence when he’d said that perhaps he should wish for them to be together forever. He’s changed in the time since though. He’s a bolder man now, and even if she doesn't return his romantic feelings, he needs to at least hear so from her own mouth.

Instead of playing off his words like a joke, this time, Dimitri chooses to press the matter.

“Please... I beg of you. Say something!”

As he’d said to Sylvain, Dimitri doesn’t know if Byleth feels anything for him beyond friendship, but he’d be damned if he doesn’t at least give himself a proper chance to stay by her side. Not as her former student; not as her friend; but as her lover.

“If you do not wish to accept it, please just tell me,” Dimitri continues, bracing himself for her inevitable rejection. “If so, I will face the truth and walk away.”

“That's not it at all…” Byleth finally replies, shaking her head. She reaches into the pocket of her cloak and then smiles as she presents…a ring?

In his surprise, Dimitri stumbles back a step. “What is this?”

His mind is reeling. That ring can’t mean what he thinks it means…can it? He doesn’t dare to get ahead of himself, but his heart is quick to grasp onto the glimmer of hope that’s emerging.

“You beat me to it…” Byleth answers with a nod of her head, still smiling.

For a moment, Dimitri can only stare at her with wide eyes. Is this really happening right now? As he processes her words, he feels his lips curve up in a smile.

“...Yes, I see. Right,” Dimitri eventually says, barely able to hear himself speak over the pounding in his ears. He doesn’t think his heart’s ever beat this fast before. “In that case, let us exchange them, shall we?”

Byleth nods in agreement.

Her ring will need to be resized to properly fit him, but Byleth slides it as far down as possible on his ring finger. Conversely, his ring is a perfect fit for her, and Dimitri slides it onto her ring finger with ease, holding her hand in his afterwards.

When they’d danced together at the ball five years ago, Byleth’s hands had already seemed small. Now that they’re holding hands without his gloves in the way though, Dimitri sees just how small and fragile her hands really are, and he tells her as much.

“These hands that have saved me countless times…”

She’s been his light to guide him out of the darkness, his tether to the present, and now…she would be his companion to the future. He tightens his grip on her hand, wanting to hold onto it for as long as possible.

“Thank you, my beloved. Your kind, warm hands... May they cling to my own forevermore…”

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this after finishing Golden Deer; and then stopped partway through to play Silver Snow because I really wanted to marry Sylvain haha. The end was a struggle because the S support dialogue is already so strong on its own, but I thought it'd be neat to explore it from Dimitri's POV -- I like being in his head. 
> 
> All that I have left to play in Three Houses is Crimson Flower, so I'm thinking whatever I write next will be somewhat angsty, but we shall see! I feel like I never have any shortage of ideas, but actually fleshing one out into a decently-sized piece is another matter OTL
> 
> In the meantime though, if you're interested in reading my take on the Dimitri and Byleth dance scene that we deserved and Dimitri and Byleth's pre-time skip Goddess Tower scene, you can read that [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20322100). :)
> 
> Otherwise, you can also find me on [Tumblr](https://tonystonem.tumblr.com/).


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